While many couples seem to have to struggle to keep the fires of passion going in their marriage, there are some who can’t wait to get together in bed. Ms. Feelwel checks out the factors that are the passion-killers and suggests how to have a steamy sex life even after several years of marriage.

“I don’t enjoy sex at all. I’ve been married seven years and our sex life is so boring, that really, I’d just rather not have it. Yes, we did enjoy sex once but now it’s a chore. Help!!”- Archana

This cry for help is not Archana’s alone. And, really, there’s no shortage of factors that can ruin a couple’s sex lives- busy schedules, kids, aging bodies. But physical intimacy is glue that holds a marriage or a relationship together. You may argue that there are plenty of factors like shared history, family, friendship etc that will keep your relationship going but if the sexual dry spell in your marriage doesn’t come to a timely halt, there is reason even for the marriage to break up.

Remember, sex is hugely important, especially when neither partner is allowed to go anywhere to get it. Also, it’s not just about physical release, right? It’s about feeling wanted and connected. When this intimacy fades, so does intimacy on all other levels. Couples will stop sharing laughs together, engaging in conversation or snuggling on the couch. They will be in conflict over matters which actually stem from sexual dissatisfaction but will manifest themselves in trivialities. The more discord there is in a relationship, the less thee couple is going to want to have sex. But don’t fear, dear readers, Ms. Feelwel is going to tell you how to break out of this vicious circle and let you into the:

Secrets of Couples Who Have Lots and Lots of Sex.
Set a Weekly Sex Goal:
Give sex a top billing, no matter that you have to juggle a million things to do so. Pick a number at random from one to ten on Sunday evening. Suppose the number you pick is eight, you have to have sex eight times before the week ends. If three days go by and you’ve had sex only twice, you have to find the time and the place- whether it’s in the garage while the kids are playing in the backyard or while you are getting a bath - together.

Make the Mood Happen:
Don’t wait for your libido to start up. If it’s not springing into action, give it a crank-start. A true carnal connoisseur will never sit around, waiting for desire to set her/him awash. Well, that way you may have to wait for a long, long time. Kick-start your libido with some X-rated thoughts. You could also read some erotica, see a sexy movie and get yourself into a fired-up state that will lead you straight to bed- and not to sleep, I may add!!

Trade the Turns –Change Roles:
Many couples have different schedules so it may happen that when you are raring to go, your partner is dead beat. But there is a way around this. The partner who is high on energy at the given moment can become the sexual ringmaster while the other just lies back, relaxes and enjoys the ride. There is no need for any guilt to be attached to this because the favour will be returned very soon, yes?

There is another advantage to alternating the take-charge roles- there is always a fresh energy flowing and you can double the number of sex-capades. And both of you work at keeping the thrills ‘coming’

Every Time is a Good Time:
You can’t really be a devil in bed if you’ve scheduled sex in the time slot between 10 O’ clock and the time you fall asleep. Exciting sex can’t happen if you make it a bedtime ritual. The truly satisfied couples find their own little niches where sex will be the best. While some may find it great when they both return from work and strip off each-other’s office clothes while other carnally successful couples will schedule it after they wake in the morning, the time they have completely to themselves. And how about weekend afternoons, holiday mornings after coffee- don’t be discriminating- just go for complete satisfaction, anytime, every time!

Play the Song:
Music can get you in the mood instantaneously! There is some music that you associate with awesome sex, and some that will steer you straight into the bedroom. If it’s the mood you want, get the music going and your partner will catch the signals and you can make some beautiful music together.

Make Sex a Panacea:
If you are a sexy siren, you know all too well that sex can actually alleviate stress, exhaustion and marital tension. So the very reasons that you use to NOT go to bed with your partner are reasons to have sex. Having sex will actually energise you rather than drain you out so you should look for opportunities to use some loving to boost up your energy levels. When you are tired, instead of shrugging off your partner’s attempts at seduction, welcome them, and your lovemaking frequency will certainly increase. Stop thinking of sex as yet another chore on your to-do list but start looking at it as a way to connect with your partner and feeling more relaxed and calmer. So do slip into the sack when you’re tired but take your partner with you!

Heighten Your Sense of Desire:
Think sexy the whole day long. Don’t reserve sex for the bedroom alone but do things that will add the libidinous spice to everyday activities. Consciously add some sexual flavours into different areas of your life. E.g. wear silky underwear, buy yourself an ice-cream cone and eat it in a suggestive way or take a sensuous shower with all kinds of scrubs and creams. All of this will keep you on a high erotic energy level.

To get your partner at the same level, give him a dose as well. When you are dressing for work, stretch out and give him a little view of your beautiful body, ask him for a towel when you are bathing, give him a call from work and tell him to get ready for something special in the evening. Sex just has to happen that night!!

Wherever, However:
Make frequent sex your philosophy. A lot of sex, no matter of what kind, is essential to a healthy relationship. If sex has to be a quickie sometimes, so be it. Just because it’s quick, doesn’t mean it’s not good. So go for the fast- and -furious romp if that’s all you have the time for. If your kids are coming back in 20 minutes, you certainly don’t have the time for the serenade and the candles, do you?

All of these simple tips can be easily incorporated into your schedule and before you know it, you’re going to be burning up the bed sheets. Join the legions of the extra-passionate and discover that your packed day is full of opportunities to tear your clothes off!! So why wait? Just go for the high energy passion!

Is Sex your path to spirituality? Celibacy for spirituality was the last millennium's mantra. New age gurus are re looking at the sexual experience and linking it to the spiritual realm. Let's look at what their latest findings are...

Deepak Chopra, the world's favourite new age guru, is coming out with a book which he promises, will be a 'contemporary version of the Kama Sutra.' The Kama Sutra, as every self-respecting Indian knows, is the text that sees pleasure, or Kama, as one of the four goals of life, the other three being, Dharma, Arth and Moksha.

ORGASM: A mini-SAMADHI
Chopra's delving into this topic has once again opened the subject of the connection between sex and spirituality. It reminds us of Osho, who catapulted the sex vs. spirituality controversy centre stage with his book From Sex To Super Consciousness. He propounded the view that orgasm is a mini and temporary Samadhi since it can transport you to a state of pure rapture. The mind becomes devoid of thought. Our egocentric view of life disappears and we step outside of time into the timeless. This line of thinking was so revolutionary that at that time it attracted a lot of flak.

Since then, however, this idea has been explored by thinkers and philosophers, spiritual masters and sex gurus.Margot Anand, who teaches Sky Dancing Tantra, a system that combines elements of Tantra and modern psychology, coined the term 'High Sex', defined thus: “High Sex takes the experience of orgasm to a dimension in which the genital orgasm is only the beginning. It inspires you to explore the full capacity of orgasm. Culminating in ecstatic body-to-body and soul-to-soul communion, it is an experience to the whole body, the whole being.”

SEX—POSITIVE VIEW
A widely held view seems to be that sex, long seen as the enemy of the sprit, is actually its ally. To become spiritually whole, we must liberate our sexuality from the thrall of guilt, shame and repression and allow it to find full expression as a healthy, natural and even sacred part of life.

Vikas Malkani, an Indian spiritual guide and author, is reported to have said: “Making love can become a giving, expressing, selfless act, which is a form of prayer itself. Through the body, the hearts are touched; the emotions opened and desires expressed, fears released, security given and souls merged. Through the act of physical sharing, God is remembered and revered. Making love goes from the physical level to the emotional and finally to spiritual level where it becomes a prayer to the divine.”

Deepak Chopra too, believes that “Sexual desire is sacred and chaste. The suppression of sexual energy is false, ugly and unchaste. Sexual energy is sacred energy but meaningful sex has to be value based.” Not just that but, says Chopra, “Sex is many peoples' only experience of meditation.” The belief is gaining such popularity that the spiritual practice of celibacy, considered, for the millennia, crucial for spiritual enlightenment by Christians, Buddhists and Hindus, is up for debate. Will Chopra's contemporary version of Kama Sutra be able to convince the non-believers that “once we have restored the sexual experience to the realm of the sacred, our world will be chaste and divine, holy and healed”?

We'll just have to wait and see!!